True love snapshot # 3

It was a foggy, overcast day in July, and the sky was bluish gray, strewn here and there with bunches of cottony, dirty white clouds. A cool breeze was blowing across the central California coast, and I eagerly anticipated your arrival from my hotel room overlooking the beach.

You came to pick me up early in the afternoon. I introduced you to my three journalist friends who had taken me on an exciting, adventure-filled, week-long road trip through central California that culminated here in Pismo Beach. While I was gathering my luggage, you sat at the foot of my bed and chatted a little bit with them about tattoos and journalism.

Once you had hauled my suitcase into the trunk of your green car, (which, I was told, you had cleaned thoroughly in anticipation of our meeting) we took a leisurely stroll around the hotel, talking and enjoying the view of the ocean amid the cawing of the sea gulls perched on the craggy cliff sides and the crashing of the waves on the rocks below.

We ended up in a wooden gazebo that stood on a cliff jutting out into the sea. A wedding had just been conducted here the night before, and red rose petals were blowing across the gazebo floor. I walked over to the far side and stood gazing out into the ocean, and you followed, gently planting your hands on my shoulders as you silently watched the waves with me.

Later on we found ourselves strolling on the beach. You had your arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I leaned my head against your chest as we walked. On one side of us were rocky, towering cliffs; on the other was the crashing waves of the Pacific, and all around us was a beautiful expanse of pristine beach. There was a midsummer scattering of surfers and tourists around us, but it still seemed as though we were the only two people there.

We talked. And talked. And talked some more. You made me guess your middle name, hinting that it started with an “E," and I guessed what it was correctly the first time. I told you that a year before we had actually started talking, my best friend had already thought you’d be a good match for me and tried setting us up.

After a while, your hand found mine, and our fingers intertwined. I found your hand nicely warm despite the cool breeze.

We stopped walking and tried taking pictures of ourselves, laughing at our attempts to get both our faces in focus, until a friendly lady came up and asked if we wanted her to take our picture.

“You two make a cute couple,” she said smilingly as she handed me back my camera. We exchanged glances and blushed at the same time. She didn’t know we weren’t a couple…yet.

We found a large flat rock to sit on, and we reclined there in a comfortable silence. Your arm slid around my waist, and my hand rested on your knee.

“This is nice,” you said casually. “I like getting to spend time alone with you.”

“I do too,” I said. “I was really looking forward to seeing you again. It’s been…what…two and a half weeks?”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile,” you agreed, brushing an unruly lock of hair off my forehead.

We fell silent again for a few minutes.

“Do you mind the silence?” you asked me after awhile.

“No, I don’t,” I replied honestly. “It would sure seem that way though, because I love to talk.”

You laughed. “Well, it’s just that…I like being quiet sometimes. I like to just sit back and enjoy the moment. Especially when I’m with you.”

You looked at me then, and the sincerity in your eyes stirred up something deep inside me…something warm and nice and wonderful. I took your hand in mine again, without saying a word.

We sat there, snuggled up against each other, on that July afternoon, watching the waves crash on the beach as the sun broke through the clouds.

True love snapshot # 2

It was a warm, breezy Sunday afternoon in May. The trees surrounding your apartment were sprinkled with an array of colorful blossoms, ranging from yellows to pinks to delicate whites.

I stood here on the rooftop of the four-story apartment building, surveying the rooftops below me as the breeze blew the cotton skirt around my knees. The scene was nothing particularly special – just rows of suburban houses stretching out in both directions, occasionally interspersed with slightly taller apartments, townhouses and stores. In the distance was clearly outlined the skyscrapers of downtown.

There was a calm satisfaction in my heart at that moment, interrupted only by a pleasant shiver down my spine as I recalled how we had danced at the country club the night before. You held me close on the dance floor while the last song played, told me how happy you were at that moment, and leaned down to plant a soft, brief kiss on my lips.

For me, that moment was a fulfillment of months of waiting for you to express how you truly felt about me. The evasiveness and denial had been stressing me out prior to that evening, prior to that kiss. I still had not heard the words I was hoping to hear – not yet, at least – but with the progress we were making, I knew that it wouldn’t be long before you would say them.

Just several moments earlier, we were having lunch with a group of friends from church. You had given me secret, meaningful smiles all throughout the meal. After I’d finished eating and had gone to lounge on your couch, you came over and whispered, “Meet me on the rooftop in a few minutes.”

I have to admit that my heart started beating faster when I heard your familiar footsteps on the creaky wood-and-iron staircase behind me. I waited with bated breath, not turning around, as you approached. The wind carried a slight tinge of your perfume under my nostrils.

Your arms slid around my waist from behind. I turned around to face you and rested my hands on your shoulders, as though we were about to dance again. “Hey there,” I said teasingly. “Took you awhile to come up here.”

“I had to make sure no one noticed me slip outside,” you explained, chuckling.

“Hmmm.” I studied your face thoughtfully. “And what did you want to meet me up here for that was so important, we had to sneak away from your house guests?”

You paused before pulling me closer. “This,” you said, and you leaned down and kissed me fervently.

Half an hour later, we were sitting on the couch in front of our friends, your arms around my shoulders as you shyly and hesitantly, but truthfully, told them how much you wanted to be with me.

True love snapshot #1

February 14, 1998

I was a high school freshman. I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months then. He was very sweet and romantic, not to mention good-looking and athletic. However, he and I had a major fight the week before Valentine's Day and were not on speaking terms, so I wasn't really expecting anything when Valentine's Day rolled around. If anything, I was quite melancholy that morning as I saw couples all over school exchanging flowers, chocolates and love notes.

I was sitting in math class shortly after lunch, bored to death as the teacher droned on about integers when someone knocked on the classroom door. A junior who was on the same basketball varsity team as my boyfriend poked his head in and asked if he could come in and deliver a "songgram" to Pauline.

My math teacher smilingly obliged. My entire math class went crazy, erupting in hoots and teasing. The junior, with four of his friends, entered the classroom carrying a guitar. One of my boyfriend's teammates handed me three red roses and a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates with a letter rolled up into a scroll. I unrolled it, and it simply said, "I'm sorry and I love you."

My teacher, still smiling, ordered me to sit in front of the class so I could "enjoy the performance" more. I did, blushing like heck because the whole class was smilingly staring at me.

The junior began strumming his guitar and his group broke into the verse of "And I'll always love you." At that moment, my boyfriend entered the room, sat in the empty chair next to mine, and grinned at me. The class was hooting and shrieking so loudly I could barely hear the song. But I was already smiling from ear to ear.

Finally, as the song ended with the lines, "And if you ever change your mind, I'll still always love you..." he leaned over and whispered, "Hope you liked that, and in case you're wondering, I meant every word."

And after class, he and I went out for an early dinner at a diner close to school. The food was cheap, but I've never had a happier Valentine's Day since.

I still smile when I remember.

True love snapshots.

I had just finished re-reading the novel "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom. It mentioned "true love snapshots," which are picture-perfect memories of romantic incidents from a person's past that are more worth cherishing than most other memories.

I'm attempting to write a series of "true love snapshot" stories from my own past, which I will be posting over the next several days. I won't be mentioning real names though, in order to protect some people's identities. Hehe.

And yes, they are every bit as cheesy and mushy as they sound. =)

For just one moment.

*Written December 18, 1998

For just one moment, you were mine
As we both heard our hearts' true rhyme
As couples danced, as music played
As in your arms I slowly swayed.

For just one moment, you knew me
Though strangers we will always be
The past may never come again
But memories come now and then.

For just one moment, we were close
We once shared something, and it shows,
I see the past each time you smile,
And love stays for a little while.

For just one moment, I love you,
And yet perhaps I'll always do.
Your gentle touch, the words you say
They bring me back to yesterday.

For just one moment, as we dance
Caught up in this nostalgic trance
The song becomes a melody
We'll both recall eternally.

For just one moment that won't last,
We're both transported to the past.
Few precious minutes, love once more
Has found its way through our hearts' doors.

The hundredth time.

*written June 10, 1999

Once again I fall for you, the hundredth time around
For when love sings that sweet old tune, I can't ignore the sound.
So many times I've given up, yet now I'm here once more.
Knowing deep inside there's still the slimmest hope in store.

I try to make this dream come true the hundredth time or so,
For though I've tried so many times, I just can't let you go.
And even if the love was lost, seems like we're strangers now,
When you look in my eyes, I see there's still a chance somehow.

I'm bound for disappointment for the hundredth time perhaps,
But this heart you once solely owned is still caught in the trap,
The dream never came true, the story never found its end
I had so much to say but didn't know the words back then.

I'm reaching for the moon and stars the hundredth time, and know
That I should not keep false hopes and not let my feelings show
For if you aren't meant for me, then why force destiny?
I'm now prepared to face the worst, accept reality.

I'm waiting for you to return, the hundredth time, to me.
Bring back the love we once had that's now just a memory.
The twinkle in your eyes tells me you still recall sometimes,
For who knows? Maybe someday, you'll be with me for all time...

Nothing lasts forever.

*written January 26, 1999

Nothing lasts forever, that's what everyone told me.
But when I fell in love with him, the truth I failed to see.

Nothing lasts forever, there's an end to every dream,
And when I woke up things were not as bright as they once seemed.

Nothing lasts forever, even true love fades away.
For long before forever came, he didn't choose to stay.

Nothing lasts forever, though I always thought love would.
For I could never save it, though I tried the best I could.

Nothing lasts forever, though we wish and hope and try.
We fools and dreamers in the end are often those who cry.

Nothing lasts forever, every story has an end.
And endings always leave us wounds that take so long to mend.

Nothing lasts forever, we have learned this from the past.
For romance is just fleeting, and love seldom ever lasts...

Just A Dream.

written June 27, 1998

Just a dream, that's what you are
A faraway and distant star.
A heart that now I'll never own,
Because I once left you alone.

Just a dream, that's how you'll stay,
A vision I see everyday,
So many walls between us now
Because I never kept my vow.

Just a dream, beyond my reach
A little lesson life can teach
A memory burning in my heart
Because I chose to pull apart.

Just a dream, forever there
Who'll never know how much I care
A future I'll keep pining for
Because I once walked out the door.

Just a dream with priceless cost
A chance I had but never lost.
A love now owned by someone new,
Because I never saw it through.

Just a dream that's bound to last
A jewel carried from the past
A light, once bright, now growing dim,
Because I chose not you, but him.

You're just a dream that I love so
And yet perhaps you'll never know
Now I'm free to love you once more,
You don't love me anymore...

Mr. Evasive.

*written December 7, 2004

I try to look him in the eye, but he just looks away.

When I ask him what's on his mind, he rather would not say.

When feelings get the best of him, he keeps it all inside,

And when love stares him in the face, he'd run away and hide.

He dodges Cupid's arrows, and his heart is guarded well.

Jaded by the many times love hurt him when he fell.

Taken by a carefree life and blinded by his fear,

He doesn't know someone who cares is quietly waiting here.

I'll always be there for him, for in truth we are good friends

But sometimes I'm bewildered by the signals that he sends

Though he could choose to let me in or keep me in the dark,

To someone so evasive, I choose to give my heart...

Rollercoaster.

*something more recent: written almost 2 years ago...

Rollercoaster

by Pauline 4/27/05

You held my hand and took me on a rollercoaster ride
I didn't want to go at first; I felt so scared inside.
But once we were inside the car, you held me close and tight,
And so I thought that I'd be safe, with you I'd be all right.

The ride was calm and smooth at first. The wind blew in my hair.
The loops loomed in the distance, but I simply didn't care.
I closed my eyes and leaned on you and everything was fine.
The car had gently picked up speed, rolled up a steep incline.

And all at once you took me up to a dizzying height.
My heart was pounding in my chest, my head felt very light.
Thrill and joy pervaded me; you sealed it with a kiss.
I looked at all the world below, my heart so full of bliss.

Then suddenly the car lurched and went quickly plunging down.
I reach for you and suddenly you're nowhere to be found.
You didn't seem to hear me when your name I tried to call,
So I just went crashing down, and no one broke my fall.

Hurt, I wanted to get out. I wanted it to end,
But then I turned around, and you were in the car again.
You asked me to hold on and give the ride just one more try,
And so again, together, we rode up into the sky.

Round and round the loops, up and the down the slopes so steep
I felt both fear and thrill, and many times a pain so deep.
One second you'd be next to me, the next you'd just be gone
I tried to stop the car, but it kept going on and on...

Our love is like a rollercoaster, as I look behind.
The endless circles we've been through have left me hurt and blind.
Unless you let me out the door and end this crazy game,
I'll always ride this rollercoaster into love and pain.

Hidden Feelings

written June 15, 2000

I wonder if he loves me still.
(I wonder if she ever will.)

I'm tired of waiting all these years.
(I have so many doubts and fears.)

If I confess the way I feel, he'll be too scared to stay.
(If I asked her, she might say no. Who am I anyway?)

Is there someone else he cares for? And is all my dreaming wrong?
(Does she know there's been no one else; it's been her all along?)

He doesn't even talk to me. How then could we be close?
(I was never a romantic, and I like to take things slow.)

Stolen glances. Hidden feelings. Is this all we'll ever be?
(I wish my eyes could speak and say how much she means to me.)

People think I'm foolish, choosing someone so carefree.
(I know I don't deserve her. She's so different from me.)

I wish I could forget him, but each day my feelings grow.
(I want her, but I've got my pride. Can't let my feelings show.)

I can't wait forever. I just can't keep this inside.
(I hope she waits until I overcome my fear and pride.)

But still, there could be no one else. My heart just screams his name.
(If she chose somebody else, I'll never be the same.)

For now, I'll be content believing that he loves me too.
(No silence, distance, doubt or time could change how much I do.)

The first post. Ever.

Hello!

My name is Pauline.

I am a 23-year-old journalist, singer and dreamer who loves writing. I especially love fiction and poetry.

Lately it has come to my attention that some of my poetic works from way, way back (i.e. from my high school days in the Philippines) have been floating around the Internet on various sites, without being properly attributed to me. So, to avoid being plagiarized further online, and because I also strongly feel that Xanga, Friendster and Myspace are too "mainstream" and public for my more personal creative work, I created this blog.

It is exclusively for my poetry, whether past or current, and short stories.

I have to give fair warning that I'm an intense hopeless romantic who enjoys writing mostly about love and matters of the heart. I also occasionally write poetry about my first love, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Love and faith can be beautiful and painful in so many different ways...if words were to describe them, I think poetry and fiction are the only ways they can be captured precisely.

If you are anti-romantic and anti-religion, please stay away or at least refrain from leaving destructive comments.


Otherwise...

Read on and enjoy!